‘m geri…

Bago me umalis, I heard from star patroller Phoemela Barranda na Jun Hirano, the fil-jap student ng Pinoy Dream Academy is voluntarily mag eexit…nalungkot ako…cute sya in the sense na nakakatuwa…then on never had the chance to follow up what happened until one night I was chatting with Jove bigay sya ng bigay ng mga link sa you.tube…napanuod ko yung portion na kumakanta yung mga frends ni jun sa academy na sina Jay-R, Kristoff, RJ, et al ng “Arigato” and “Sayonara”…nakuha ako…I don’t know what with this guy pero mahal sya ng pinoy audience. Wala kasing ka effort effort ang cuteness nya…minsan lang akong humanga…nawala pa..yung isang hinahangaan ko nasa amerika at nakapiyansa lang….sayang JUN.

Thurs last week…akala ko napaaga ako sa airport…flight ko kasi is almost 12 midnight…8:30pm nakapila na ako para mag check in…ang haba ng pila..okay…because of the heighted security ng NAIA..basically most of the airports…okay cant describe the scenario..ganito na lang…8:30pm pumila na ako…nakarating ako ng boarding area 11:45pm…walang yosi yosi dahil una bawal nga lighter or any fluid or gel like material for that matter sa check in luggage….at pangalawa wala ng smoking area sa NAIA…hmp.

Okay, 8 hours lang naman ang flight from manila to dubai(stopover)….ang nakakaloka 11 hours naman ako sa dubai…ang problema ko pa…ebak na ebak na ako..i tried checking the toilets pero pila…alam mo nyo yun? Parang dyahe na marinig nila ang pagutot ko at ang baho ng ebs ko…na sa paglabas ko nakatitig mga tao sa akin…well, oo hindi naman nila ako kilala pero kakahiya pa rin…naalala ko tuloy ko yung ebak blog ni rey agapay(check nyo, reyagapay sa blogspot). So, I searched the whole dubai international airport para mailabas ko ang lahat ng sama ng loob ko matiwasay at tahimik well, advise ito sa pupunta sa dubai. The toilet is at the far left wing ng duty free okay…dun tahimik walang kalaban.

Saving grace ang pagdala ko ng laptop at ang wifi ng dubai international airport..salamat sa teknolohiya. Kung ang ibang tao eh nakahilata sa floor while waiting for their flight…mas sosi nman na pawifi wifi ka lang sa starbucks…naloka ako sa presyo ng kape ha…akala ko usd15 ang grande yung pala 15 dinars lang. At mas sosi lalo kung wala kang hand carry kundi ang laptop bag mo lang. You will be amazed by the presence ng mga pinoy na nasa dubai international airport. Lalo na sa may duty free kakaloka. Hindi naman sila masungit, in fact, may isang pinoy na nagbigay sa akin ng yosi dahil ang yosi ko nasa hand carry ko na na-check in ko rin.

Nakarating na rin ako ng sudan…mas masarap ang food sa dubai-khartoum flight ko kaya super kain ako sa plane…pagpasok ko ng arrival area, may naghihintay na sa akin dun…he asked for my passport, asked me to wait and voila, may instant visa na. I don’t have to fall in line sa immigration…tuloy tuloy lang. Divish bongga! Hate ko sa biyahe ang check in lalo na ang carousel. Lalo na’t sa manila pa ako nag check in…ang mga nag check in nang una ang huling lalabas sa carousel. Antok and pagod na ako..wala pa rin bagahe ko…

Hindi na rin ako dumaan ng customs…derecho pa rin…isang UN staff sumundo sa akin…binaba ako sa UN guesthouse..yun lang…hindi man lang nag endorse nang kung anu-ano..pero, okay lang…sa sobrang patang pata na katawan natulog na lang ako.

The following day, I felt so dehaydrated kasi huling intake ko ng tubig sa plane pa…hindi naman ako pwedeng uminom ng water from the faucet at malalasahan ko ang tubig from the nile river…kahit wala akong alam naglakas loob akong lumabas to buy water..may sari sari store dito mga fwend..problem wala akong sudanese dinar…!!!!!

Hay, I have to find a way to quench my thirst….lumabas ako sa kalye. Asked help from the sikyo manning the first gate ng UN headquarters…buti na lang marunong mag ingles..they called a thuk-thuk(parang tricycle sa atin) but I have to pay usd4 just to bring me to the mall..parang magpapalit ng pera at makabili ng kailangan ko…hayai na…punyeta…start ng Ramadan kaya late nagbukas ang mall…naiiyak na ako…saving grace ang dalawang Karen(carpentero) na nakilala ko. At least naaliw ako sa mga kwento nila at sa pagsama nila sa akin…finally, nakabili na ko ng simpack ko pati na rin water ko….at bread…we were supposed to eat sa foodcourt ng mall kaso sarado dahil Ramadan..Saturday pa(ang weekend naming dito is Friday and Saturday)..so for 4 days…bread at spread at juice lang ang kinakain ko.

Sunday, I started to fix my papers…so security exam, ID, etc….hindi masyadong exciting…lalo na sobrang init dito…nakakalimutan ko ang kanin sa pakikipag chat sa mga frends ko…hanggang makatulog na lang ako. Monday, start ng orientation..kakaloka…kailangan magpakilala ang isat isa na ala miss universe. Well, universal naman talaga kasi mga kasama ko from different parts of the world…divish! Gustuhin ko man ibahin ang intro eh di bale na lang…na overwhelm lang ako kasi akala ko doctor lang ako dito..but I have more responsibilities than being a doctor…para kaming gumagawa ng coup d etat kasi mga kasama ko sa orientation eh mga military naka uniporme pa…lalo na ang mga topic…UN system, values, evacuation, landmine, hijack, UXO, at different abbreviations na hindi ko matandaan.

To and fro the hotel and UN headquarters, may shuttle ang national and international UN staff…wait ka lang….minsan sa pag uwi ko, nakasakay ako with Pakistani and Indian police…may gosh….sorry ha, pero I texted my friends na hindi yata bala or malaria ang tsutsugi sa aking dito kundi ang mga ANGHET na kasabay ko nung araw na yun…I will die of asphyxiation due to body odor hindi ko kaya. For 15 mins yata hindi ako huminga…matutuwa ka sa mga Sudanese…magaling silang magsalita ng inggles may twang pa kasi ang mga aral usually sa Saudi nagaral…mukha silang intelihente….basta,I have to find out more…ang nakakaloka sa daan eh walang batas trapiko dito…kanya kanya…ang bagay dito yung mga driver sa montalban…I swear.. pero higit sa kinaloka ko eh ng makakita ako ng itim na langgam(sudanese HANTEK) na masakit kumagat , ang tsubibo(ferris wheel) sa gitna ng isang malawak na lupain…to think muslim country ito….at ang mga puti na halos 4 na araw na pareho ang suot na damit…okay lang kung malamig kaso dito bubula lahat ng kasinngit singitan mo…at ang hindi ko pagkain ng kain na to think sa pinas pati dessert ko ay kanin….

Do you know anyone who is not afraid to die? Ako meron….my dad. He is already 70 years old…still strong…in fact, he is still energetic, full of life. When I came back from timor, I noticed he has hoarseness. It was December so I thought it could be because of the weather. I just gave him a prescription thinking that the symptoms will just resolve by itself. Pero, 3 months na andun pa rin ang hoarseness ng voice nya. We decided to have him checked by an ENT. Wasn’t surprised by what his doctor found in his throat. I’m a doctor too…but then, it scared me. The laryngeal biopsy confirmed that he has a vocal cord cancer…good thing is, its just starting. After they took out the lump, that was it..no chemotherapy nor radiation therapy needed…observe 6 months…though, my dad was advised to stop smoking. Okay, but then parang na realize ko I cant deprive my dad of the tiniest happiness he gets from smoking. Potah, matanda na tatay ko noh. Everything was running smoothly until he had his annual check up again. Results were usual except for the result of his PSA(tumor marker for prostate). He immediately underwent a transrectal biopsy to confirm….PROSTATE CARCINOMA. Amazing, from one tumor to another, from one kind of cancer to another. If there is one thing good about his cancers is that all are on their early stage…no extension nor metastasis. When he told us that he doesn’t want to undergo the surgery, I felt how strong my dad is. Weird, pero parang nakita ko sa kanya na parang excited syang to bid farewell to the world na. Kakaloka talaga papa ko. That is one thing I really like about him….he is sooooooo cool. He always take things in stride. Epekto yata ito ng sobrang pag-inom ng kape. Or, is it because, he is old na. Or, it could be a form of denial also na he doesn’t want us to see he is dying inside because of fear (how we suffered emotionally and financially when my mom died of cancer too). Hindi mo makikita sa kanya ang mga acting ni ate vi sa pahiram ng isang umaga…walang drama…walang nagwawala..hindi ito ang teleserye ng totoong buhay. Pero syempre, aagaw eksena ang ate ko. Ako subdued. He is very prayerful man kaya siguro parang secured sya sa kanyang patutunguhan. Pero, hindi nya na realize na hindi siguro siya mabait kaya ayaw pa siya kunin ni Lord. Anyway, as I finish this my dad already packed his things waiting for me to finish. I will bring him to medical city for his confinement and surgery. His girlfriend will be there to give support…attend to his needs overnight…ayoko ng umeksena…See, he really is excited….or, maybe after all what he had been through…or, maybe he had lived a full life already…basta ang alam ko…hindi sya takot.

The burden again is on me. Mahirap talaga if you are the only doctor in the family. Pasan pasan mo ang daigdig kapag meron man isang may sakit sa pamilya. Bedside manners are changed…hindi mo alam kung magiging objective ka explaining like the way you explain things to your patients or you are going to tell a white lie para hindi masyadong masakit for the rest of the family members. I cant even show my weak side kahit iyak na iyak na ako. Para akong isang general na sinasabihan ang isang pulutong na everything is under control pero ang bayag mo nasa lalamunan na, hindi pwede ang poker faced kasi mahahalata na hindi pala under control. Kaya ako, I don’t talk too much…isang tanong isang sagot..sabihin na nilang parang hindi ako concern….basta…

December 28, 2003 when I arrived here in East Timor, a new republic which I only heard and learned of when they celebrated their liberation from Indonesia, thanks to CNN. Never in wildest dream and for sure for some of us too, to be part of this “never heard” place. But then, I took chances simply because I just want to….try…remuneration…whatever! The thing is I abhor what if’s. I surfed the internet to get a bit acquainted with this place and readied myself for the uncertainties ahead. Despite all the discouragements I got from my family and friends, here I am because of the stubborn me! After we signed our contract, I was told I will be assigned in Liquica, apparently, a beautiful place which is the nearest district from the city, Dili. After a while, anonymous personas fetched me at Hotel Audian (where most of the doctors are billeted before they are transferred to their respective districts) to bring me to my place of assignment. While in transit, I wandered on what I see…KAPAS! There was silence because I don’t know yet the language (they have plenty, Bahasa and Portugese are the common ones) though I understand a bit of Portugese (almost similar with Spanish) because I was educated in a university with 4 semesters of Spanish. That silence tingled my imagination of what kind of life I will be having. As we traveled, I was reminded of Batanes, cliffs, mountains and the immense coastal area. The raging waves broke the silence upon the three of us in that car. True enough, 45 minutes past, Liquica! There were few people who speaks and understands English and I already thanked God for that. They showed my house and endorsed some stuff like a generator which unfortunately didn’t work. It was a house complete with amenities provided by the ministry of health. I’ve got 3 air conditioning units, washing machine, unluckily, only the spinner works, fridge, stove, water dispenser, desk top and a nice bed a with a comforter, don’t miss home in a way(though electricity sometimes is cut for days and when it rains there is scarcity of water). But everything when I arrived were in disarray which made me want to go back to Phils but I got everything started, I made it a HOME. I didn’t start working except on emergency calls because it was still a long weekend due to “tinan foun”(new year). I busied myself studying TETUM (official language) with the help of the dictionary lent to me by one of the nurses. Baptism of fire came, and on my first day, I had 100 plus patients. First few weeks I had my interpreter but thereafter, I was on my own. I did the consultation myself which shouldn’t be the case. Complicated cases are reserved for me but I never complained because it worked on my end for so many reasons. Like, it killed my boredom just like what the repellants do to the mosquitoes, I have touched again the every beads of the rosary everyday. My eyes marveled on some good reading materials which unbelievably I finished in record breaking hours. I got to interact with the people and little by little, I began to appreciate the culture, the language…the “ema of liquica”(people of liquica). But there was one thing I regret, never explored the whole beauty of liquica for some silly reasons. I am not arachnophobic but it was my first time to see a scorpion, lots of them the first time I cleaned my house and the paranoia of getting the malaria. I tried to walk around on my second day but my feet got scarred, tried to hear mass in their language but never understood anything but in my heart I know which part of the ceremony I was already into. Still, the beauty of liquica remains. What they lack in their pockets are engraved in their hearts..courteous people…their smiles. Apart from all of these, things around me made me realized a lot that made me human again. I may have helped them by making them feel better, but, they, in return, taught me in their subconscious minds to “RELEARN” things. I knew I wasn’t living the kind of life I am used too but surviving a life just like theirs. Then again, every time I complained why I went here and suffer, I just oogled my eyes around me and still I felt blessed because I’ve got everything…food…shelter and good health. I got to compare my life to theirs and in my heart a silent scream came out saying thank you because my survival was much easier. Now, I am not surviving anymore but living…twist of fate, I left them after 3 months and a half of the “education” they gave me. I moved out and transferred to the city with a heavy heart. Sadness filled my heart, my eyes welled with tears, ironic but true. I can never translate into words the mourning I felt deep within me because I have learned to love “LIQUICA”. It is not farewell my dear liquica for you have tattooed yourself in the very marrows of my being….